*bap* approved
I assigned Nick to take care of the newsletter but it appears he can't even wipe his a** properly so I’ll be taking charge. Hey everyone, Noelle here, otherwise known as bap.kat. If you haven't heard of me by now then allow me to lift the rock you’ve been under. I’m a cat, I’m cute, I hate people. I will take over the world… I’m getting off topic but I play games, human games that is. We know this but, I believe my time has come to expand more.
You see, the *bap* community has grown quite immensely recently which only bears more responsibility to us, I mean Nick, I do what I want. Regardless, we both collectively agree that there should be more to what we do aside from the greatest videos you’ve ever seen.
We, I mean Nick… I won't take credit for it because it failed—tried to turn my Iconic *bap* into something more tangible that you feeble minded humans could grasp onto. A brand that could instill purpose into this world. To help foster a simple ideology that should be universal. To be calm, collected, intelligent as best as you can, to just be who you are, touch some grass, sniff the air, take a sh*t. I explained it in a previous newsletters but, to be a person! *bap*
We were gonna do it all too. Cool clothes, events, products, festivals even. Anything, we could do to rope under that *bap* name, it was on the pipeline. Our initial go-to was a clever clothing line that was to bear that mark. And while we still do custom embroidery on the side, and can use it on other non-clothing/accessory items, we hit a roadblock. A small mom and pop shop by the name of GAP, on the verge of bankruptcy no less, sent us a fun letter from their lawyers in New York. A cease and desist. Yes. A copyright claim that boiled down to *bap* is the same as GAP.
Now, if you read the alphabet, which their lawyers certainly haven’t. You would be quick to understand that “b” is before “g.” Literally, four letters even. Our logo has asterisks’ and pays homage to a great story and an attempt to create good in this world. While there's looks like it was designed by a child who just learned the color blue and the shape of a square. Who, I’d imagine, also slaves to make their sh*t clothing. A true staple for late stage capitalism they are. Pretty much the only thing that is remotely “similar” in this whole debacle, is the cries of the children that they’ve exploited.
More on that later but, you might be asking, “now what?” Well since I still feel at liberty to provide you silly humans with something substantial. I will be instituting a new endeavor that I hope you’ll come to enjoy.
The *bap* approval
Submitted through our Collab section and published via our Baply. You can tune into the most critical evaluation of whatever is thrown my way. Board games, pet products, tampons. You name it, I’ll review it. Think of me as real-life Anton Ego from Ratatouille. Except I’m a cat.
The goal is to provide any business, corporation, kickstarter, event etc… a thorough review to understand if what they plan to bring to the masses is worthy of your attention and my approval. A seal of certainty if you will. To understand that anything sporting my *bap* mark is to be enjoyed and shared. Lets just say if it fits my standards (because I'm better than everyone) it will certainly meet yours.
While the floor is open to anything, my initial reviews will more than likely be card games. With their endless possibilities and strategic depth, they’re my playground of choice. They certainly provide far more amusement than chasing that stupid red dot (seriously, humans, can't you come up with something better?).
I will consider a variety of variables In my reviews but the main gist of criteria you will see will boil down to these four factors:
Functionality - How does it work, and does it work well?
Utilization - In what instances can it be used, is it practical?
Cost - A deep dive into the cost. Is the price worth it for what it is?
Kind - What is the intention? Does it permit good into this world?
We’ll dive deeper into the scale as we begin to publish our reviews but yes, I did make a scale that aligned with one of my favorite words ;)
So, my loyal followers, brace yourselves for a journey into the unknown. Together, we shall explore, evaluate, and ultimately pass judgment on each endeavor that crosses our path. With my expertise and your unwavering support, we shall separate the purr-fect from the average.
Not everything that is reviewed will earn the coveted *bap* seal of excellence. Only those that meet my exacting standards shall receive such an honor. I am not easily impressed, and I will not hesitate to declare anything unworthy of your time and attention.
So, stay tuned for future updates as we embark on this grand adventure together. When in doubt, look for the *bap* stamp of approval for your guarantee, of quality, in a world filled with mediocrity.