Noelles POV on her dark past.
Hi, my name is Noelle. For those who do not know me, you best get on it! I am the Siamese cat that enjoys playing offensive and raunchy card games. Nick, the human I own and sometimes tolerate, has made you believe I'm just this cat who loves cards. Well, you'd be a fool to believe such a notion; I've got history and a story that almost got me on the chopping block. I was about to learn what Korean BBQ was first-paw. That is until I became the best cat—*The* bapkat!
Here it is:
In addition to Nick I was putting up with a sister, brother, mom, dad, and a dumb Rhodesian dog. The humans are cool sometimes, I guess, but mainly suck; All humans suck. I mean, have you looked at the news?
Anyways, I digress.
Gifts right? You give them for Holidays, birthdays, or my favorites, a seance. Whatever the occasion, gifts are meant to be meaningful, thoughtful, and, most of all, MAKE SENSE. T'was Christmas of 2016, I was a mere kitten, and the adult humans decided to bend to the wishes of the 6-year-old menace.
Poor move but whatever. What is it with kids and puppies being able to get what they want? I just don't have the mojo, I guess.
Anyway, back to the war crime. They got her HAMSTERS! What kind of bigotry is this? I tell you, I would have allowed anything other than this heinous act. Barbies, Bratz, smallpox, anything but these devious little monsters! Ugh. As soon as those bastards stepped foot in the house, I couldn't keep my eyes off them. Then I connected with my roots. Rather than portray them as a pest, I saw an opportunity.
They were plump, furry, and practically asking to be eaten. I mean, look at them. Stupid, ignorant, tasty, and utterly helpless in their tiny metal cage. I had held off long enough and couldn't stand to wait much longer. Plus, these brown pebbles Nick calls cat food will only do for so long. I need food, REAL FOOD, I SAY! Then it hit. On New Year's eve, I will make my play. The humans will be distracted from eating dinner and ogling that stupid ball. Then, then, only then, will I STRIKE.
I wandered into the human girls' room to find one napping and the other on the hamster wheel. Oh man! My time has come to restore order to the house! I was about to make Tom and Jerry a reality. I snuck up on the cage and snagged it through the cage wall when suddenly, I heard screaming.
I was caught.
The humans were right behind and caught me red-pawed. What was I to do? I darted out the door, hamster clenched in my jaw. The victory was on the horizon. A feast was in my future. It was all happening so quickly. I ran to the closet to enjoy my prize.
Until bam, I was tackled by dad and forced to give up my tasty trophy—WHY? The thing was on the floor in two pieces, shocking the whole family, what’s done is done people. Their New Year's was ruined and mine was the best I've ever had. I was then demoted to the scum of the house and resented by all. I can't really blame them; I broke the golden child's heart.
But what do you expect from a cat? I'm a hunter, for crying out loud! I spent the following year rebuilding my character and regaining trust—I had to behave myself. But, if you ask me, that little vermin got what it deserved. I only got one of the two, and they put up quite the barricade to prevent me from getting the other. I knew it was only a matter of time before I tried again, though.
Noelle one, hamsters zero.